It is in the quiet of the morning that I sit. I don’t have to work today, so there is no time to be or do. I grabbed something to drink, read a chapter in my book, and I think I am going to pray now.... hang on.
Alright. It is in this quiet that my thought process seems to get started. On a typical day, though, I am rushed with getting ready for work and facing the tasks of the day. Today, I have slowed down, taking advantage of the absence of obligations for a moment, listening to His gentle whisper and feeling His presence.
Last week was a rough one for me, mentally. And by the time Sunday rolled around, it had taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. I wasn’t me. Not at all was I at myself. I slept virtually all day, deep into the afternoon. And then I went to sleep hours earlier than usual. It was during those dark hours that I realized it was time to make a choice.
We are all faced with a time when we have to make a choice to stop, to say no, to put an end to something. Unfortunately, 9 times out of 10, while we are making the healthiest choice, there is going to be repercussions.
I am a Christian. Many times, people think that gives them the right to trample me, to take advantage of me, to poison (not in the literal term) me. I can only be stepped upon so many times. It’s not the old saying goes where you get use to the pain, it begins to hurt. It hurts especially bad when the steps are coming from those who verbally claim change and can speak to my face apologetically, then be totally different when I am not around. My good deeds can only be taken advantage of so many times before I realize that they are not appreciated. It was only a matter of time before I realized my deeds and words were all in vain, pouring into a vessel that was not only not receptive, but was also intentionally hurtful. I had ingested so much of the poison that it had started to affect me, killing me slowly. That’s where I was this past Sunday. In a dark place, dying, slowly. I didn’t like it.
I had to make the choice to say no more. And almost immediately, just like I knew it would, the repercussions began. My decision was suddenly dubbed and I was being “unchristian-like.” That couldn’t be farther from the truth. If anything, others were, and are still, blind to the many efforts and words poured into the situation. I simply evaluated a situation and made the call to eliminate the level of toxicity I was allowing into my life. I have to love and pray from a safe distance for myself. And that is the decision I prayed about and feel is the most valuable. By no means is that “unchristian” of me, or anyone else that needs some removal in their life. Pray about it. Things will be revealed and God will guide you in the direction that needs to be taken.
God Bless
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