Seasons

    This is a harder season of life than I expected. Since I was 15, I've not been unemployed for more than three days between jobs. It's been around three weeks now, and it has definitely been a test of my patience. While my faith hasn't wavered, I have to admit I have questioned His will. We pray for finances, and I lose my job. I'm waiting for that blessing in disguise. It'll come. That's what everybody keeps reminding me. 

     It's not just hard on me, but my wife as well. While tensions are high, we know we are in this together. And as we look back, we know this is just another hard bump Jesus has allowed us to face. It's funny, while I was thinking the other night that things were falling apart, the song lyrics reminded me things are falling into place. Someone brought to my wife's attention the story of Job, fitting with the story of mishaps in our marriage. While he faced things that made him question his very existence, he kept a strong faith. We have faced many accidents and incidents that would make one question, too, and faced them with faith. Sometimes not easily, though. But in faith, God has guided us through it all. From people sending messages that God laid on their heart, being led to help pay for surgeries, bills, and groceries, to encouraging words and songs on social media, the hands of Jesus have reached out to comfort us. Faith, love, family, these things have far greater meaning than one could ever imagine, and it's times like these when you realize maybe half of the meaning and those who live by it and understand. I am thankful for what God has provided, and for the people He has placed in our lives. 

Falling Apart

    So, this year didn't start out as planned. Well, the way I had planned, anyway. I still have in focus many things that I have set out to do this year. I still feel like I have room to work on the things to better myself as an individual. 

    As I write this, Casting Crowns is streaming and the song "Just Be Held" is playing. Funny, at the very moment I wrote the second sentence, I heard the lyrics, "you're life isn't falling apart, it's falling into place." It wasn't my plan to lose my job. Obviously, it was God's plan. As hard as it is to swallow at times, His plans are better than ours. Keeping faith in the hard times in life may be hard, it may look very gloomy at times. But, when I think of what God has brought me through to this day, I know my best option is to lay it all at His feet, let Him take these problems from my hands. I'll continue to do my part in the search, but I'll leave it up to Him to open the door, rather than me not following His lead and busting down the door to what I feel is best. Thank you, Jesus, for having the faith in me to walk the path you have chosen for me. 

Remain Faithful

     My wife and I have been married 4 years in June. I have to say that before that, my relationship with God was somewhat questionable. In the back of my mind, I knew who God was, but His existence in current times, to me, was a myth in most aspects. I have been humbled, to say the least, and now I can truly say there is no reason for me to not believe in God. He absolutely has to exist because there is no explanation for some of the events in my life. 

     I'll rewind to the dating era between my wife and I. Having both been through 13 year failed marriages with issues and complications, we wanted something different going into this. We both dedicated ourselves to a Christ-centered relationship. That alone, I saw huge changes in myself. It was a long road, but who I was began to change, for the good. And that was something that I would have never expected given my past life. 

     With our relationship strong and our faith concrete, we married. A very short 9 days later, with no warning, my back went out and I collapsed in the floor. Yes, I did have back issues, but this was a pain that I had never felt before. After days in the hospital, I found out that my L3, L4, L5, S1, and S2 were all jacked up. This is where miracles of God through the power of faith began to change our lives. The doctors said I probably wouldn't walk again, so to not get our hopes up. We were low, but then we were shattered. The day we went to schedule surgery, the office wanted just over $1000 dollars up front. We were devastated. We didn't have that kind of money anywhere. When we got home, Jesus kind of put us both to sleep so He could orchestrate the first of several miracles we would see. We were woke up with the news from my wife's friend from out of state that a friend of her's had saw our story, and prayed, and she listened. She listened to the voice of God to help. She was led by God to pay for the up front cost. She sent an overnight check to us with a note that read, "May God bless you and your family." I was floored. My wife was floored. Surgery was scheduled, but it remained that the odds were against me. There was a lot of damage. After almost 2 hours of surgery, the doc came out and explained things to my wife. God stepped up again, against all those odds. About 3 or 4 hours after surgery, I could feel my feet. I wanted to walk. So I did. We were shocked, and my surgeon explained that it was nothing short of a miracle of God, because he didn't think surgery was a success. I had one more small procedure after that. I walked, and I am still walking to this day. Against all odds. God destroyed those odds. 

  Now, facing another hard season in life, we remain faithful. Unfortunately, I lost my job. I have been down and my wife has been worried. Jobs aren't easy to come by right now, especially jobs that will pay the bills. But we have been blessed. We have been able to pay our house payment and get food, because of the generosity of others. Our parents have stepped up. We have had friends reaching out. Our church family has been great. Whether it has been monetary help, food, or just words of encouragement, it has meant a ton to us. That's God. I have been in this season before, but without my faith, and the results were very different. 

     This is God, and how He works. Against all odds, coming out of the woodwork doing the unimaginable. So for me, I have no choice but to believe in God, because I know miracles like these come from nowhere else. I am grateful, and I will remain faithful. No matter how hard it may seem or how ugly it may get, I know God has our backs. 

Thinking

Silence. Sometimes silence is good. It's an awesome time to reflect, pray, and try to gain an understanding. An understanding of what? Well, that all depends on the current thought process and state of mind. Today, I've done the usual, scrolling social media, mindlessly, and played a couple of thoughtless games. I've also read some devotionals and prayed. The thought, just now while I simply looked around my silent house, was "borrowed time." We all have a life expectancy and expect to live a life to meet that expectancy. And many times the term "borrowed time" is used for those who are sick or have aged beyond that life expectancy. The truth is, we ALL are living on borrowed time. With each breathe we take, it's another moment that has came and went, borrowed from our Creator. How was that moment spent? Did we think about the things we want in life? Did we think about the things that people have done that have hurt us? Or did we use that moment to think about why we borrowed another moment? Or better yet, why God has allowed us another breath? I know we all spend many, many moments idle, thinking about things that really do not matter in the end. We are human. We all have interests or hobbies that we enjoy. We need to dedicate more moments to think, reflect, pray, and ask God what we can do to be better. Better followers of Christ, better moms or dads, husbands and wives, better members of humanity. I've spent a lot of moments today that meant nothing really, but that one moment that meant something....yeah. In that very quick moment, so many things crossed my mind. Where am I failing? Where am I succeeding? What can I do better? I've been cruising at my own speed, not being as proactive as I need to be. In anything, really. And the final thing that flew across my mind, moments can be used to play games, scroll social media, think, reflect, and pray to God, and these moments can also be used to define us as individuals. So the lesson I've learned, keep moments in perspective. Balance them accordingly, or moments and definition will be lost.