Support

I am sitting in the hospital, hungry, tired, nervous, and waiting. My wife is having surgery today. We have prayed and talked, and I have had an overwhelming peace about all of it. Until today. Nothing can take away the joy I have because we have an army of faithful brethren praying on our behalf. Nothing takes away the fact that I have full faith God has it in His hands, but I wonder as I look around this room. I have been on the brink of tears twice, and I am holding them back now. All around the room I see groups of people. Families, friends, talking, taking the edge off of the situation at hand. There is only one person not speaking, me. It's not out of any feelings towards others. Not at all. But more of a way of life that we have created. There's no one that understands each other better than each other. See, my wife and I are like an "A" frame. We are firmly leaning on each other and connected at all times. If it isn't in that order, or one of those traits is missing, then it's just not the same. Right now, she is heading to surgery, there's nothing I can do. She isn't here, now, to support me. I'm not there, now, to support her. Awkward isn't the word. It's a very lonely feeling as I wait to see her again. This is the first time I've been here like this, waiting for her. She has been here two or three times waiting for me. The unknown lurking in the air. It's hard. I do not like it. I am not a nervous person, but I am nervous. I am not a worrying person, yet, I am worried. She is the love of my life,  and I wouldn't trade my position here, now, for anything. It is a privilege to support her. It is a privilege to call her my wife. I like our "A" frame relationship. I am thankful to God everyday for such a woman as her.

In the Morning

I decided to venture out this morning to try to take some early photos. I love photography and have really been digging into landscape a little more lately. Anyway, let's move on. It was dawn, light out but the sun hadn't risen yet. There was a soft fog above the water and a little thicker in the sky. It was very quiet, I could hear every rustle in the leaves and every fish that broke the surface. As I was shooting, the fog fell. It fell thick, too. It got to the point that I couldn't see the trees across the inlet, and it wasn't very far. I took a moment to breathe it all in. As I was leaving, the fog began to lift and the sun broke over the trees. Everything that light hit was so vivid, so lively. The trees were lit with blazing autumn colors. The sky was a perfect deep blue. Even the houses looked as if they were just built. Everything looked new. I stopped to look in awe, as if to say, "Hey God, WOW!"

Then I got to thinking. Everything was new. Every day is new. God blew me away. I thought of my salvation. I thought of the mistakes that I've made since my salvation. And I thought of the way, when I ask for His forgiveness, it's all gone. Everything is new. Our request for forgiveness and our repentance is crucial in our walk with Jesus. That moment when the fog is above the water, in the sky, hindering our ability to see clearly, is just like the moment when we are broken from our sin, not seeing straight, and asking for forgiveness. That heavy fog that falls, that's the equivalent to His answer to our request, smothering us with an unbounded love that we cannot understand. Then, when the fog is lifted, everything is new. He has forgiven us so that we can see clearly and enjoy the wonders of His love. And we say, "Hey God, WOW!"

Most Valuable Accessory

I woke up this morning a little early before work. I had some time to just sit back and reflect, and God put a thought in my head. What's the best accessory to a man? Now, I'm not talking an accessory to fashion, but an accessory to life. As I contemplated this, my first thought was "You,  God." He softly spoke and said I was right but other than that. So as I thought, I ate my breakfast. I thought about my wife. And He kept placing thoughts of her in my brain. She has been right beside me through so much. She has walked a fire that she doesn't deserve. Often, she is misunderstood and misinterpreted by others. She is very precious and worth more than her weight in gold. There's a description of what I wife should be in the Good Book and she does her very best to uphold that daily. I am blessed, well beyond measure. I have done nothing in this life to deserve such a wonderful wife.
So, my answer to the question. What's the best accessory for a man's life? A GOOD, GODLY WIFE. I thank Him daily for her.

Exude

Exude-(of a person) display (an emotion or quality) strongly and openly.
"Mr. Thomas exuded friendship and goodwill"

Today, this thought ran through my head. Well, not just today, it has in the past, but I felt like putting something to paper today. There are so many people in this world that claim the title of Christian. Many days, they will talk about Bible study or church sermons. That's awesome. What's not awesome is when they do not do these things. It's not awesome when these same ones have unpure conversations with others. It is the complete opposite of what they claim when they can speak of going to church and partying in the same breath. I could go on and on with examples, but I will simply stop there.

Another issue with this is the huge BROKEN stepping stone this poor display of character can be to those who are trying to better their walk with God. Whether it is a new faith Christian or maybe a lost sinner, this weak display hinders growth and may even prevent others from coming to Jesus. This poor decision to display the world, yet claim Christ, puts it into other's minds that it's OK to be unpure, be of the world, and not walk closely to Jesus. Do not be the broken stepping stone that stops one from coming to Jesus.

Exude the character that you strive to be!
Not the character to match your surroundings!

#exude

Mistakes

  We go through life, and the old saying applies, we win some and lose some. Sometimes we win because of the effort we put in, the drive to accomplish the task at hand. Others, it's sheer luck. The same goes when we do not win. Maybe it's not lack of effort, but trial and error. Just not your time. Then again, it may be because of a detrimental mistake on your part. Win or lose, there are always prices to pay.
  Let's talk about those losses, and the prices.
See, there is always something at stake. Those stakes may be small, or they may be very large. All too many times we bask in the glory of winning and all that comes with it that we let our guards down and lose focus of a) why we are winning and, b) what we need to do to keep winning. We are all human. We will all make mistakes in our lives. I know I have. Big ones that reap consequences. We have all lost something due to a loss and not a win. Whether it's a competition or debate, it's tough. But it's even tougher when we lose at life. Mistakes in life can cost far greater things than simply losing a game or debate. We can lose our best friends, our jobs, even our spouses.
  I look back, I conquer debates. I do the best I can in games, if I lose, I practice for the next game. I prepare. I focus. Now I look at my current flub. Had I only had relentless focus and drive the way I do if it was a debate or a basketball game, I wouldn't be weighing the stress I'm in. I wouldn't be so worried about what I may be losing.
  I have refocused. I have faced my mistake and I see what's needed to fix it. I will be restlessly attacking the routes needed to redeem myself and my character to show that this was a situation where the devil had the best of me due to my lacks. I will not allow myself to fall victim again and hurt the loved ones I hold so dear to my heart. My only fear at the moment is whether or not I'm too late. Is the damage too much to overcome?
  See, there is a huge difference in life and a debate or a game. If I lose a debate, I can go back and study and get my facts right. Reword things the correct way. If I lose a game, I can simply study my opponent from the previous game, analyze my moves, and work harder. It's different in life. The repercussions are tougher and go farther. While we can refocus and conquer whatever it is that caused the fall in the first place, there are more involved. The process is longer and harder. But not impossible.

Silence

Silence. Sometimes silence is good. It's an awesome time to reflect, pray, and try to gain an understanding. An understanding of what? Well, that all depends on the current thought process and state of mind. Today, I've done the usual, scrolling social media, mindlessly, and played a couple of thoughtless games. I've also read some devotionals and prayed. The thought, just now while I simply looked around my silent house, was "borrowed time." We all have a life expectancy and expect to live a life to meet that expectancy. And many times the term "borrowed time" is used for those who are sick or have aged beyond that life expectancy. The truth is, we ALL are living on borrowed time. With each breath we take, it's another moment that has came and went, borrowed from our Creator. How was that moment spent? Did we think about the things we want in life? Did we think about the things that people have done that have hurts us? Or did we use that moment to think about why we borrowed another moment? Or better yet, why God has allowed us another breath? I know we all spend many, many moments idle, thinking about things that really do not matter in the end. We are human. We all have interests or hobbies that we enjoy. We need to dedicate more moments to think, reflect, pray, and ask God what we can do to be better. Better followers of Christ, better moms or dads, husbands and wives, better members of humanity. I've spent a lot of moments today that meant nothing really, but that one moment that meant something....yeah. In that very quick moment, so many things crossed my mind. Where am I failing? Where am I succeeding? What can I do better? I've been cruising at my own speed, not being as proactive as I need to be. In anything, really. And the final thing that flew across my mind, moments can be used to play games, scroll social media, think, reflect, and pray to God, and these moments can also be used to define us as individuals. So the lesson I've learned, keep moments in perspective. Balance them accordingly, or moments and definition will be lost. 

Love Her

In today's society, it's hard to find people who claim to be Christians and actually stick to the Bible, MUCH less Christians who stick to the model for marriage. Financially, it's a struggle in today's money hungry world. But the benefits are well worth it. That being said, I am so thankful for a woman that I can call wife, that follows God and has such a submissive, serving heart. She understands direction, not dictatorship. She wants substance, not money. Far more precious than rubies? She is!!! In comparison, rubies are like pebbles beneath my feet. She is my priceless and invaluable queen. Serving our Lord and being the biblical wife, soft spoken in her voice, but slaying dragons daily and standing firm against the grain of the world. I don't know how I ended up with such a woman, but I am blessed to call her wife. 

Seasons

    This is a harder season of life than I expected. Since I was 15, I've not been unemployed for more than three days between jobs. It's been around three weeks now, and it has definitely been a test of my patience. While my faith hasn't wavered, I have to admit I have questioned His will. We pray for finances, and I lose my job. I'm waiting for that blessing in disguise. It'll come. That's what everybody keeps reminding me. 

     It's not just hard on me, but my wife as well. While tensions are high, we know we are in this together. And as we look back, we know this is just another hard bump Jesus has allowed us to face. It's funny, while I was thinking the other night that things were falling apart, the song lyrics reminded me things are falling into place. Someone brought to my wife's attention the story of Job, fitting with the story of mishaps in our marriage. While he faced things that made him question his very existence, he kept a strong faith. We have faced many accidents and incidents that would make one question, too, and faced them with faith. Sometimes not easily, though. But in faith, God has guided us through it all. From people sending messages that God laid on their heart, being led to help pay for surgeries, bills, and groceries, to encouraging words and songs on social media, the hands of Jesus have reached out to comfort us. Faith, love, family, these things have far greater meaning than one could ever imagine, and it's times like these when you realize maybe half of the meaning and those who live by it and understand. I am thankful for what God has provided, and for the people He has placed in our lives. 

Falling Apart

    So, this year didn't start out as planned. Well, the way I had planned, anyway. I still have in focus many things that I have set out to do this year. I still feel like I have room to work on the things to better myself as an individual. 

    As I write this, Casting Crowns is streaming and the song "Just Be Held" is playing. Funny, at the very moment I wrote the second sentence, I heard the lyrics, "you're life isn't falling apart, it's falling into place." It wasn't my plan to lose my job. Obviously, it was God's plan. As hard as it is to swallow at times, His plans are better than ours. Keeping faith in the hard times in life may be hard, it may look very gloomy at times. But, when I think of what God has brought me through to this day, I know my best option is to lay it all at His feet, let Him take these problems from my hands. I'll continue to do my part in the search, but I'll leave it up to Him to open the door, rather than me not following His lead and busting down the door to what I feel is best. Thank you, Jesus, for having the faith in me to walk the path you have chosen for me. 

Remain Faithful

     My wife and I have been married 4 years in June. I have to say that before that, my relationship with God was somewhat questionable. In the back of my mind, I knew who God was, but His existence in current times, to me, was a myth in most aspects. I have been humbled, to say the least, and now I can truly say there is no reason for me to not believe in God. He absolutely has to exist because there is no explanation for some of the events in my life. 

     I'll rewind to the dating era between my wife and I. Having both been through 13 year failed marriages with issues and complications, we wanted something different going into this. We both dedicated ourselves to a Christ-centered relationship. That alone, I saw huge changes in myself. It was a long road, but who I was began to change, for the good. And that was something that I would have never expected given my past life. 

     With our relationship strong and our faith concrete, we married. A very short 9 days later, with no warning, my back went out and I collapsed in the floor. Yes, I did have back issues, but this was a pain that I had never felt before. After days in the hospital, I found out that my L3, L4, L5, S1, and S2 were all jacked up. This is where miracles of God through the power of faith began to change our lives. The doctors said I probably wouldn't walk again, so to not get our hopes up. We were low, but then we were shattered. The day we went to schedule surgery, the office wanted just over $1000 dollars up front. We were devastated. We didn't have that kind of money anywhere. When we got home, Jesus kind of put us both to sleep so He could orchestrate the first of several miracles we would see. We were woke up with the news from my wife's friend from out of state that a friend of her's had saw our story, and prayed, and she listened. She listened to the voice of God to help. She was led by God to pay for the up front cost. She sent an overnight check to us with a note that read, "May God bless you and your family." I was floored. My wife was floored. Surgery was scheduled, but it remained that the odds were against me. There was a lot of damage. After almost 2 hours of surgery, the doc came out and explained things to my wife. God stepped up again, against all those odds. About 3 or 4 hours after surgery, I could feel my feet. I wanted to walk. So I did. We were shocked, and my surgeon explained that it was nothing short of a miracle of God, because he didn't think surgery was a success. I had one more small procedure after that. I walked, and I am still walking to this day. Against all odds. God destroyed those odds. 

  Now, facing another hard season in life, we remain faithful. Unfortunately, I lost my job. I have been down and my wife has been worried. Jobs aren't easy to come by right now, especially jobs that will pay the bills. But we have been blessed. We have been able to pay our house payment and get food, because of the generosity of others. Our parents have stepped up. We have had friends reaching out. Our church family has been great. Whether it has been monetary help, food, or just words of encouragement, it has meant a ton to us. That's God. I have been in this season before, but without my faith, and the results were very different. 

     This is God, and how He works. Against all odds, coming out of the woodwork doing the unimaginable. So for me, I have no choice but to believe in God, because I know miracles like these come from nowhere else. I am grateful, and I will remain faithful. No matter how hard it may seem or how ugly it may get, I know God has our backs. 

Thinking

Silence. Sometimes silence is good. It's an awesome time to reflect, pray, and try to gain an understanding. An understanding of what? Well, that all depends on the current thought process and state of mind. Today, I've done the usual, scrolling social media, mindlessly, and played a couple of thoughtless games. I've also read some devotionals and prayed. The thought, just now while I simply looked around my silent house, was "borrowed time." We all have a life expectancy and expect to live a life to meet that expectancy. And many times the term "borrowed time" is used for those who are sick or have aged beyond that life expectancy. The truth is, we ALL are living on borrowed time. With each breathe we take, it's another moment that has came and went, borrowed from our Creator. How was that moment spent? Did we think about the things we want in life? Did we think about the things that people have done that have hurt us? Or did we use that moment to think about why we borrowed another moment? Or better yet, why God has allowed us another breath? I know we all spend many, many moments idle, thinking about things that really do not matter in the end. We are human. We all have interests or hobbies that we enjoy. We need to dedicate more moments to think, reflect, pray, and ask God what we can do to be better. Better followers of Christ, better moms or dads, husbands and wives, better members of humanity. I've spent a lot of moments today that meant nothing really, but that one moment that meant something....yeah. In that very quick moment, so many things crossed my mind. Where am I failing? Where am I succeeding? What can I do better? I've been cruising at my own speed, not being as proactive as I need to be. In anything, really. And the final thing that flew across my mind, moments can be used to play games, scroll social media, think, reflect, and pray to God, and these moments can also be used to define us as individuals. So the lesson I've learned, keep moments in perspective. Balance them accordingly, or moments and definition will be lost.